blonde goes shopping

A blonde goes shopping and enters a shop selling electronic items . She goes to a salesman and says "  I want to buy this TV . "

The salesman says that he does not serve blondes . Irritated blonde goes back home and dyes her hair black .

Next day again she goes to the same shop and says " I want to buy this TV . " The salesman replies that he does not serve blondes .

Irritated blonde goes home and dyes her hair red.Next day she comes back to the same shop and asks another salesman that she wants to buy that TV . The salesman replies that he does not serve blondes . Irritated blonde replies " How come you know that I am a blonde . "

The salesman replies " It’s not a TV , it’s a microwave . "

How to reach Eiffel Tower ?

A blonde guy went to Paris and wanted to reach Eiffel Tower. He asked a man driving by how to reach Eiffel Tower . The man told him to wait for the bus 72 . It will take you directly to Eiffel Tower. After 4 hours the man came back and after seeing the blonde guy he asked him why had he not left till now . The blonde guy told him till now only 65 buses have passed and he will have to wait for 7 more buses !!!

Honest Lawyer

A company wanted to hire some lawyers so they called for an interview .The first prospect who came looked very intelligent. The conversation between the company official and the lawyer :

Official: Why did you want to become a lawyer?
Lawyer: My father was a lawyer and I liked his job. He used to earn a good amount and I love money.
Official: It’s okay ! Everyone loves money.But what we want to know is that if you are honest.
Lawyer: Sir I am an honest lawyer.
Official: But can you prove it.
Lawyer: Yes! I paid back every single penny back to my father he had spent on my education right after my very first case.
Official: Good! What kind of a case it was?
Lawyer: Well! My dad sued me for that money.

Optical Tricks 1

Optical Tricks

Do not believe everything you see ..

 

 

 

Funny Bike

Funny Bike

Happy Birthday

at the age of 100 ...

Drunker and Smoker cat

Drunker and Smoker cat

Knock Knock jokes 33

Knock Knock!

Who's there?

Boliva.

Boliva who?

Boliva me, I know what I'm talking about!

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33

Knock Knock jokes 32

Knock Knock!

Who's there?

Leaf.

Leaf who?

Leaf me alone?

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32

Knock Knock jokes 31

Knock Knock!

Who's there?

Momma.

Momma who?

Momma, please open the door!

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31

I'm going to a date .

I'm going to a date .

Cultured Monkey

Cultured Monkey

Un fou écrit une lettre

Un fou écrit une lettre

Le directeur lui demande:
A qui écrivez-vous ?
A moi.
Et qu'est-ce que vous y avez mis ?
Je ne sais pas,monsieur le directeur:
je ne l'ai pas encore reçue.

French Jokes

Tapette à mouche

Un femme arrive dans la cuisine et voit son mari avec une tapette a mouche ...
Que fais-tu?
Il répond:
Je chasse le mouches….
En as-tu tué ?
Oui.trios males,deux femelles.
Intriguée ,elle lui demande:
Comment fais-tu la différence entre les femelles et les males ?
Il répond:
Trois avssifent a côte du cigarette , deus sur le téléphone.

French Jokes (new)

Cadeau d'anniversaire

Un mari et sa femme font les courses un samedi après midi :
- Chéri, c'est l'anniversaire de ma mère demain. Si on lui achetait un appareil électrique ?
- Bonne idée ! Qu'est ce que tu penses d'une chaise ?

French Jokes (new)

Singe

maman, papa a dit que nous descendions tous du singe . c'est vrai
je n'en sais rien,ton pére a toujours refusé de me parler de sa famille.

French Jokes (New)

Terrible nouvelle

Madame téléphone a son mari de son lieu de vacances
Tout va bien ?Le chat est en forme ?
Non,il est mort !
Tu pourrais me ménager,me préparer a cette terrible nouvelle.
Tu aurais pu me dire qu'il se promenait sur le bord du balacon.
Et maman,elle va bien ?
Elle se promenait sur le bord du balacon !!!!!

French Jokes (New)

Le docteur

Le docteur : J'ai une mauvaise et une très mauvaise nouvelle pour vous.

Le patient :Quelle est la mauvaise ?!

Le docteur :Il vous reste un jour à vivre .

Le patient :C'est terrible ,et quelle est la plus mauvaise nouvelle ?

Le docteur :ça fait 24 heures que j'essaie de vous joindere…

French Jokes (New)

( Qui veut gagner des millions )

C'est une blonde qui passe dans l'émission (Qui veut gagner des millions) .Bon ,elle arrive a la premiére question et elle bloque déja .
Elle dit :
Bon ,je vais utiliser le joker téléphonique).3-Elle téléphone a Djorj et lui dit :
Bonjour Djorj ,je coince la et je voudrais savoir :
a ton avis ,j'utilise le 50\50 ou l'avis du public ?!!!!!!!

French Jokes (New)

les hommes des cavernes

le professeur donne un cours sur les hommes des cavernes
vous savez que les premiéres lettres sont enregistrées sur des roches
wow, dit michel a son copin, les facteurs devaient etre fatigués a la fin de leur journée ...

French Jokes (New)

n'avait pas le temps

une mére a sa fille
mais enfin, susie ! avec qui parlais-tu pendant deux heures sur le pas de la porte en rentrant de l'école
avec julie, mais elle n'avait pas le temps d'entrer ..

:)

French Jokes (New)

Deux petits garcons

Deux petits garcons a l'école et a la récréation
tu crois qu'il y a du monde sur la lune
ben oui, c'est toujours allumé ....

:)

French Jokes (New)

FUNNY EGGS 2

FUNNY EGGS 2

The strongest egg

FUNNY EGGS 1

DO YOU LIKE MICE ?

1- DO YOU LIKE MICE ?

2 - DO YOU WANT TO BUY A PAIR SHOES ?

SO WHAT ABOUT THAT !!

:)

Funny Sandals

Funny Sandals

. . .

. .

.

Warning from sharks

Warning from sharks ...

You may know how men catch sharks ,

But you don't know how sharks catch men !!

You want to know ?

LETS SEE ...

[3]

[2]

[1]

Funny Accidents (3)

Amazing Accidents

Funny Accidents (3)

Funny Accidents (2)

Funny Accidents Video

(2)

Funny Accidents (1)

Funny Accidents

(1)

Funny Animals video

Funny Animals video

Funny Questions And Answers (4)

Funny Questions And Answers

(4)

Husband: You know, wife, our son got his brain from me.
Wife: I think he did, I've still got mine with me

Dad: Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it.

Wife : Dear to day I had been to our family doctor. He told me that we should have vacation for one month for better health. Shall we go to Switzerland or States?

Husband : we will go to another doctor

Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
Customer: What other colors do you have?

Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else?
Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday !!

Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That's why I say she's no good !!

Manager: Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't need much help..
Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You see, I won't be of much help anyway!!

Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden!
Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it within three days, you can keep it..

Funny Faces

Funny Faces

funny walk

Good Jump

Good jump

Baby Taking Shower

Baby Taking Shower

Feline Diet

The Feline Diet

Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet! This diet will also work on humans ! Except for cats that eat like people such as getting lots of table scraps most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite) . the Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure . Just follow this diet for one week and you'll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what constitutes food. Good Luck!

DAY ONE

Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost more the .75 per can and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food: look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room.

Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your house.

Dinner: Catch a moth and play with it until it is almost dead. Eat one wing. Leave the rest to die.

Bedtime snack: Steal one green bean from your spouse's or partner's plate. Bat it around the floor until it goes under the refrigerator. Steal one small piece of chicken and eat half of it. Leave the other half on the sofa. Throw out the remaining gourmet cat food from the can you opened this morning.

DAY TWO

Breakfast: Picking up the remaining chicken bite from the sofa. Knock it onto the carpet and bat it under the television set. Chew on the corner of the newspaper as your spouse/partner tries to read it.

Lunch: Break into the fresh French bread that you bought as your part of the dinner party on Saturday. Lick the top of it all over. Take one bite out of the middle of the loaf.

Afternoon snack: Catch a large beetle and bring it into the house. Play toss and catch with it until it is mushy and half dead. Allow it to escape under the bed.

Dinner: Open a fresh can of dark-colored gourmet cat food tuna or beef works well. Eat it voraciously. Walk from your kitchen to the edge of the living room rug. Promptly throw up on the rug. Step into it as you leave. Track footprints across the entire room.

DAY THREE

Breakfast: Drink part of the milk from your spouse's or partner's cereal bowl when no one is looking. Splatter part of it on the closest polished aluminum appliance you can find.

Lunch: Catch a small bird and bring it into the house. Play with on top of your down filled comforter. Make sure the bird is seriously injured but not dead before you abandon it for someone else to have to deal with.

Dinner: Beg and cry until you are given some ice cream or milk in a bowl of your own. Take three licks/laps and then turn the bowl over on the floor.

FINAL DAY

Breakfast: Eat 6 bugs, any type, being sure to leave a collection of legs, wings, antennae on the bathroom floor. Drink lots of water. Throw the bugs and all of the water up on your spouse's or partner's pillow.

Lunch: Remove the chicken skin from last night's chicken-to-go leftovers your spouse or partner placed in the trash can. Drag the skin across the floor several times. Chew it in a corner and then abandon.

Dinner: Open another can of expensive gourmet cat food. Select a flavor that is especially runny, like Chicken and Giblets in Gravy. Lick off all the gravy and leave the actual meat to dry and get hard.

Feeding Cats

The modern way to feed cats ..

Flexible Car

You want Flexible Car ??

here it is

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Funny Transport

Funny Transport .

Cat's Laptop

Oh , I forgot the site ..

FUNNY BABY

Funny baby looking for his bird.

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Rooster

Rooster

Farmer Brown woke up one morning to discover that his one and only rooster was dead. The chickens had started to get rather restless, so he called his friend, Farmer Black, to see if he knew any place he could get a rooster. Farmer Black told him that Farmer Red, two roads over, was trying to sell some of his roosters, Farmer Brown thanked him, and drove over to Farmer Red's. He knocked on the door and Farmer Red answered. He told him that he wanted the horniest rooster he had. He had just the rooster. He came back a minute later with the rooster at his heels and said to Brown "This is Rudy. He's the horniest rooster I've seen this side of Texas." Farmer Brown took Rudy home and placed him in front of the chicken coop. For about and hour, he could hear was the flapping of feathers and very loud squawks. Rudy strutted out of the coop... and walked straight into the stables. For about an hour Farmer Brown could hear the stomping of hooves and very loud "neigh"ing. Rudy strutted out of the stable. But he didn't stop there. He marched straight into the cow's field. Farmer Brown, feeling he really didn't need to watch, went to bed. The next morning he woke up and walked outside, but he saw to his disappointment Rudy laying on his back on the front lawn, vultures circling overhead. As he approached the rooster, Rudy whispered to the vultures "He's coming closer... keep going! He still thinks I'm dead!"

Dog good at Balance

Dog good at Balance ..

You must look to car mirror

You must look to your car mirror ..

Famous Football Team

Funny Football Team

Crazy Mirror

Crazy Mirror

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Where is the kid ?

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funny students

Have Fun

New Skiing

New Skiing

Tree's Gate

Tree's Gate .

Look what they did in the road !!

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Funny questions and answers about animals 2

Funny Questions And Answers About Animals
( 2 )

What's the definition of a narrow squeak ?
A thin mouse !!

How do mice celebrate when they move home ?
With a mouse warming party !!

Where do fish wash ?
In a river basin !!

Where do frogs keep their money ?
In a river bank !!

Whats green and can jump a mile a minute ?
A frog with hiccups !!

How do frogs die ?
They kermit suidide !!

What fish goes up the river at 100mph ?
A motor pike !!

What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth ?
Hard cheese !!

What do toads drink ?
Croaka-cola !!

What's the coldest fish in the sea ?
A blue whale !!

What do frogs drink ?
Hot croako !!

Where are most fish found ?
Between the head and the tail !!

Funny questions and answers about animals 1

Funny Questions And Answers About Animals

( 1 )

What looks like half a cat ?
The other half !!

What do cat actors say on stage ?
Tabby or not tabby !!

What is the cat's favourite TV show ?
The evening mews !!

How do you get a cut-price parrot ?
Plant bird seed !!

What language do birds speak ?
Pigeon English !!

What do you give a sick bird ?
Tweetment !!

Do Apes kiss?
Yes, but never on the first date!!

What do mice do when they're at home ?
Mousework !!

What have 12 legs, six eyes, three tails and can't see ?
Three blind mice !!

When should a mouse carry an umbrella ?
When it's raining cats and dogs !!

Carrying heavy

Carrying Heavy

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Loses his tail

Q : Where does a dog go if he loses his tail?

A : A retailer.

Horses at the Race

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him before the race and says, ''All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, 'ALLLLEEE OOOP!' really loudly in the horse's ear. Providing you do that, you'll be fine.''

The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer's ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers 'Aleeee ooop' in the horse's ear. The same thing happens , the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, ''It's no good, I'll have to do it,'' and yells, ''ALLLEEE OOOP!'' really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.

The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies, ''Nothing is wrong with me, it's this bloody horse. What is he deaf or something?''

The trainer replies, ''Deaf?? DEAF?? He is not deaf , he is BLIND!''

Sister Act 2

Sister Act
Whoopi Goldberg
I Will Follow Him
Finale ..

Sister Act 1

Whoopi Goldberg ..
Salve Regina \ Hail Holy Queen ..

from Sister Act

Funny Kids play

Funny Kids

look what kids did when thier mother went out ...

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Why do ducks have flat feet?

Why do ducks have flat feet?
To stamp out forest fires
Why do Elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks ..

Animals Jokes

Swine Flu Masks

Sure you know Swine Flu ,

You need to know the last news about Swine Flu ....

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Funny Swine Flu Masks

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Ducks in Heaven

Ducks in Heaven

Three women die in a car accident and go to Heaven. Saint Peter meets them at the Gates and welcomes them saying "you can do as you please in Heaven, just don't step on any ducks."

The women are puzzled but proceed into Heaven. Looking around, they notice there are ducks everywhere. In a matter of minutes, one of the women steps on a duck.

Saint Peter walks up to the woman with a hideously ugly man. Saint Peter shackles the man and the woman together and says, "for stepping on a duck, you have to spend eternity chained to this ugly man."

The other two women are shocked but go about their business until, sure enough, another woman steps on a duck. Immediately Saint Peter comes and shackles her to another ugly man.

The last woman tries desperately to not step on a duck. After a few months of not stepping on any ducks, Saint Peter walks up to the woman accompanied by a stunningly handsome man. He shackles the woman to the man and after a while, the woman being thrilled to be chained to such a handsome man, says "I don't know what I did to deserve this."

The man replies, "I don't know what you did lady, but I stepped on a duck."

IS THAT YOUR DOG ?

IS THAT YOUR DOG?

A timid little man, walked into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?"

A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, "It's my dog. Why?"

"Well," squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, "I believe my dog just killed it, sir."

"What?" roared the big man in disbelief. "What in the hell kind of dog do you have?"

"Sir," answered the little man, "it's a little four week old female puppy."

"Bull!" roared the biker, "how could your puppy kill my Doberman?"

"It appears that your dog choked on her, sir."

Animals Jokes

A lonely Frog

A lonely frog, desparate for any form of company telephoned the Psychic Hotline to find out what his future has in store.

His Personal Psychic Advisor advises him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog is thrilled and says, "This is great! Where will I meet her, at work, at a party?"

"No" says the psychic, "in a Biology class."

Animals Jokes